Runes for Bodies with Wombs

Pre-S: Queering the Runes Registration opens tomorrow! I'll be sending out an email with links to register tomorrow.

If you're a member of my Discord server or know me in real life, you know that I had surgery last week for a crazy cyst. When they were removing the cyst, they discovered a huge mess of endometriosis in my abdomen as well that would have made a full hysterectomy dangerous.

I say all of this not to get sympathy, but because I think that the medical issues that people who are assigned female at birth have are too often relegated to the mysterious. I've had gynecologists over the years who shrugged and just said "there's no way to know" and "sometimes it's just like that." The gender of the gynecologist doesn't matter; the result has largely been the same.

In the days leading up to the surgery I was plagued with gender dysphoria, feeling like it was of the utmost importance that other people in my life see me as nonbinary, dear god please just see me. I sobbed on the couch on a random Monday because I couldn't find the words to describe my gender, and if I couldn't describe it, was any of it even real?

I've had the surgery now, and maybe it's the painkillers, but this desperate dysphoria has settled down into the understanding that I was right. That I KNEW there was something painfully wrong with my reproductive system for years and the doctors didn't take it seriously enough.

THIS is my feminine rage.

Railing against a system that doesn't bother to adequately research "women's healthcare," that labels our bodies as "abnormal," as opposed to the assigned male at birth body. The complexities of my reproductive system are vast, and the fact that there are still so many unknowns for very common and widespread issues while there is no shortage of research on weight loss and erectile dysfunction makes my blood boil.

I've rented a book from the library that I'm excited to dive into that talks about the issues of AFAB bodies being left out of medical research, and this one is specifically about endometriosis. The book is "Bleed: Destroying Myths and Misogyny in Endometriosis Care" by Tracey Lindeman.

The rune that has been my closest ally throughout all of this is Perthro.

Perthro represents a gambling cup or a natural well. The Wells in Norse mythology hold mysteries of fate, of memory, and mysteries of healing. Urðarbrunnr is the well of past precedence, of oorlog. Mimisbrunnr is the well of memory, holding all of the wisdom and insight that we receive from experience. And finally Hvergelmir is the well of seething, a well of generative chaos.

Many people associate Perthro with gynecological health because if you turn it on its side you could see it as someone giving birth, their legs spread wide. You could think of the "cup" as a uterus filling with blood, and then overflowing. The Well of the uterus could also be considered a generative space, much like the seething, primordial Hvergelmir, or in the case of pregnancy it could be thought of as an extension of Urðarbrunnr, the well of past precedence and ancestral history.

Perthro helps me to remember that there is more to this part of my body than pain. But it also takes that pain and transforms it, it eases the dysphoria.

How have I worked with Perthro in my recovery process?

I've traced it on my abdomen. I can actually touch my incision marks while tracing Perthro across my abdomen, and doing that while chanting the name of the rune has been incredibly comforting. I have called on the Spirit of Perthro and spent time with them. I chant the name of the rune and trace it in the air. I visualize the rune.

It doesn't have to be a complex ritual. This is about relationship and support.

I have another surgery scheduled for mid-January. This one is not gynecological in nature, so it may be that I work with a different rune for recovery from that surgery. I also know that Perthro is willing to help me with this recovery as well, a sort of spiritual force that provides comfort and love.

I hope to update here more frequently in the New Year, but my health has really made writing juicy, lengthy essays difficult. I will leave you with this for now, because I will be in your inboxes tomorrow as well for the Queering the Runes Course registration opening.

Until then,

Siri